The Business of Love

I'm Back!

2011-12-03T07:51:00.000-08:00

It's been a long 3 1/2 years since I last posted on this blog, but with new chapters in life come new insights. This new chapter in my life that I want to chronicle is my attempt at online dating. Yes, I realized that whatever I had been doing in my dating life wasn't working and that only crazy people do the same things and expect different results. So I took the plunge.

Step 1 - Join

On my 29th birthday I signed up for my first online dating site, LDSsingles.com. I've been frequenting the site for about 4 months now and success has been mixed. On a positive note, I have been able to significantly expand my reach to girls I wouldn't have met otherwise. I have also been able to have a lot more dates. However, I am still finding that positive online interactions aren't turning into positive dates. Perhaps I'm expecting too much from these dates or perhaps I'm not very practiced, but I will place the responsibility on myself.

What You Can Expect

So instead of relating business to dating, here is what you will be seeing on this blog from now on:

What I like/dislike about the dating sites (yes, I'm going to be trying other sites soon)
How my dates go (all names will be changes to protect me, uh, I mean them)
My observations on dating habits, culture, etc.

If you read, please comment as well. I value your feedback and any humor is doubly appreciated.

Surviving A Recession

2008-06-18T21:30:00.000-07:00

The nation's economy is currently in shambles. Home prices are falling, the price of food is rising and gasoline prices are so high you'd think the stuff cured cancer. Recessions are tough on everyone, but three pointers can help you not only survive, but thrive in tough times.

Define Your Strategy

When things aren't going well you need to focus on what's important. Many businesses have a lot of products and services they provide with vastly different margins and differing levels of expertise. During hard times the wise move is to focus on high margin, core activities.

Trim Expenses

Now that you've identified your focus it's time to start cutting off excess. Say hello to plain Bic pens (the ones with the cap you actually have to take off before you can use the pen) and goodbye to those fancy Parker clicky pens. Adios to catered company parties. Hola to chips and salsa.

Strengthen Your Weaknesses

Every company out there has areas they know could use some improvement, but never have the time to address. With a slow economy these shortfalls become magnified to current and potential clients. During tough times you can't afford to give clients a reason to say no to your products and services.

Relating to Dating

So what exactly is a recession in your dating life? Well, it's just like a recession in the economy. Opportunities and resources are scarce. Perhaps you've moved into an area with few potential dating prospects or your new job requires 60-hour work weeks. Anytime you feel that outside influences are cramping your style I submit that you could be in a recession, so you've got to enter survival mode to outlast the famine.

Define Your Strategy

Desperate times require desperate measures, but they don't require settling. All of the time you spent in the promised land should have taught you what you like and don't like. Remember. Write it down. Don't forget. Now that you're in the desert you'll need to look even harder to find that oasis of love. I repeat, don't settle for the "best of."

Trim Expenses

In the desert your resources are stretched pretty thin just to survive. Time is likely your most valuable resource. Finding suitable ladies or guys will now take you much more time and effort. Multitask. Do you plan on watching the big game? Invite some prospects over or go watch it where you can meet some prospects. Do you like exercising? Play some pickup frisbee at the park (if it isn't coed this isn't helping) or enter a local 5K. And don't just put yourself in good situations, take advantage of the situation. Talk to people. Introduce yourself. All of the situations I've mentioned have a common interest built in. Starting a conversation won't get much easier than "Hey, how did you get so good at frisbee?" It's open-ended and contains a compliment. Money!

Strengthen Your Weaknesses

If you feel you're in the desert, your prospects might feel the same way. They're analyzing you with a fine-tooth comb for flaws. Minimize them as much as possible. Feel like you've gained a few pounds? You may want to drop those. Bitter about your breakup? Be optimistic and outgoing. Whatever you feel your flaws may be, take this opportunity to improve. Good luck out there.

Corporate Restructuring

2008-03-15T18:55:00.000-07:00

When a company changes strategic direction a restructuring of top management is often necessary for a couple of reasons. First, in a practical sense, the departing management reached a plateau with the company. Second, the physical change reinforces the psychological change needed to springboard the company forward in the future. So basically this post is a followup to the September 19th post titled Firing Your CEO.

Use Discretion

The search for new management must be undertaken with great care. The company is already on shaky ground without a CEO and investor confidence needs to be maintained. Thus, the search for a new executive poses significant difficulty but offers great opportunity.

Managing the company without a CEO requires utilizing your resources. Work with your partners, seek the advice of mentors, and rely on your experience to keep the ship afloat. This is likely the easier part.

Interviewing for a new CEO is more difficult. The recent firing may have tarnished your image and interviewing must be extensive to ensure a proper hire is made. Multiple interviews are needed to find if the potential hire fits the culture and is qualified. However, if everything works out the company can regain a solid footing and continue growing.

Relating To Dating

I think you can figure most of the correlations out, but corporate restructuring refers to your newly regained single status. Keeping your social life going at this stage requires you to keep a positive attitude and use your resources. Look up some ladies from before your recently ended relationship. Ask friends and family for references. This won't be easy, but keep the goal in mind to keep you going: finding a new lady to help you be your best.

Cautionary Note:

If the previous CEO was dismissed you may be prohibited from disclosing details. While this may seem secretive you need to honor the trust established with your previous CEO despite the added difficulty this presents.

Developing Partnerships

2008-02-23T16:10:00.000-08:00

Trying to succeed in the business world is hard. Succeeding alone is even more difficult. So while out in the business world you're always trying to develop partnerships. Partnerships come in two varieties.

1. Most partnerships are formed for synergies between the companies involved. One of the main benefits from partnerships is access to new clients. Manufacturers want to partner with retail outlets to access the customers these stores bring in. Retail stores benefit from the partnership because people come to purchase the manufacturers product but hopefully buy other products as well.

2. Though in the minority, you can also form partnerships with an eye toward a merger. Often these relationships start out as type 1 partnerships and grow into type 2 relationships, but if a merger is on your mind you'll find that this type of partnership usually fails if a merger isn't completed. So how does all of this relate to dating?

Partnerships = Friendships

I hope that didn't surprise anyone. Friendships provide you with access to a whole new group of customers (for me that means more ladies to date) and can lead to a merger (exclusive relationship). Just as good partnerships provide benefits to both parties, good friendships benefit everyone. So what should you look for in your partnerships?

Building Quality Partnerships

First you can look for areas of common interest to build on. Look for friends that like the same activities and have similar personalities. Then you can spend time with your friends doing activities you already like. Secondly you can look for friends who like activities you would like to try and just need a guide as you learn. They can also have personality traits that are complementary to your own. These basic rules should help you form positive partnerships.

The Job Interview: Part III

2007-12-05T20:04:00.000-08:00

Congratulations. You've now set up an interview, dressed for success, and are ready to nail your interview.

First Impressions

I can't overemphasize the importance of a good first impression. Interviewers meet many applicants in a very short time. If you don't make a good impression right away, you'll get filed away in the "everyone else" bin of the interviewer's mind.

So how does one make such a positive impression? Remember that non-verbal communication is more influential than what you say. First, use good posture. Second, look the interviewer in the eye. Lastly, once seated, sit up straight in a relaxed position. Now that you know how to walk the walk, how do you talk the talk?

Talk the Talk

You look and act the part. Now you've got to seal the deal. This part of your interview will be extremely dynamic, so all I can do is provide a few principles that will guide you:

1. Be Yourself.
2. Be Positive.
3. Respect the Interviewer.
4. Have Fun.

This is a gross oversimplification, but these principles should help guide you toward a successful interview.

Dating Applications

I hope the connection between interviewing and dating are crystal-clear by now, but just to have a little fun I'll walk through what I would consider an average "interview" (1st date).

I arrange the date at least 3 days in advance and let the girl know what the plan will be so she can dress appropriately and eat before if necessary. I usually dress pretty casual, but I try to wear clothes I've been complimented on in the past. I always make sure to be on time or a couple minutes early. Sure you may end up waiting since many ladies are NOT punctual but that's the game.

When I meet the "interviewer" I always make eye contact and smile while introducing myself. I believe in chivalry, so I open doors whenever possible and I pay. Conversation is usually light and I try to inject as much humor as I can. Of course you should avoid any potentially offensive material. Always be extra cautious until you know the "interviewer" better.

From there on it will come down to chemistry and all that other frustratingly ambiguous "stuff". So good luck on your interviews and hopefully some of you will get second interviews and maybe even get "hired".

Tip of the Day: Smile. Unless your mouth is an orthodontic massacre, this will single-handedly make you 25%-50% more attractive.

PS Sorry to keep you waiting Julie.

The Job Interview: Part II

2007-10-23T21:41:00.000-07:00

Now if you've followed the advice from part I on job interviews, you should have set up an interview with a potential employer. For some of you this will be the first impression and for some it won't, but you can rest assured that making the right first impression at your interview is critical.

Dress for Success

First, you need to know what to wear. There isn't one guideline that fits all situations, but there are three guidelines that should ensure you are dressed appropriately.

1. Find out how the interviewer will be dressed and dress to match. So if you're interviewer at that internet startup is wearing jeans and a polo shirt, go ahead and wear jeans and a polo shirt. I mean, if you get the job that's what you'll be wearing for the next few years right?

2. If you don't know what the interviewer is going to wear, you will likely be better served to dress nicer rather than more casual. Rarely will being overdressed be a liability.

3. Inside of guidelines 1 and 2, favor styles that are more conservative and fit your body type. Nobody wants a lady with the muffin top waist or a guy who's shirt is so tight you wonder if you should duck for cover in case the buttons pop off.

Social Application

Remember that our "interview" is in fact a first date and the "employer/interviewer" is the lucky lady/guy. You'll always feel the most comfortable if you've matched the level and style of your interviewer. Nobody wants to show up for a date wearing their Little League Boston Red Sox jersey and your date is wearing a dress and heels (not that I personally would be uncomfortable since I love the Red Sox, but she might feel a bit out of place.)

Hygiene

For a job interview you should be clean and well-groomed. Again, matching the company culture is best. However, avoid anything distracting (such as really potent aftershave or colognes like Sex Panther). Brush your teeth, comb your hair, and wear deodorant. If this is news to you you really need this advice.

For dating you can take a little more liberty with your scent of choice. However, remember when selecting your scent that you're trying to find something you can tolerate, but drives your "interviewer" crazy. My advice is to seek help from a trusted friend of the opposite gender. A good decision in this category can pay big dividends.

Tip of the Day: Wear something that you really like and look good in. This will give you confidence, which, as was mentioned in our last Tip of the Day, is always a turn-on.

The Job Interview: Part I

2007-10-11T09:57:00.000-07:00

For the next couple of posts we'll be looking at how the dreaded job interview is actually quite similar to a social practice commonly referred to as the first date. Before we begin though, you need to switch your paradigm just a little bit. Usually I prefer to think of myself as the company, Handsome Inc. For our discussion of job interviews though you need to think of your romantic interest as the company and you're the applicant looking for a position with the company.

Getting the Interview

We've all heard the phrase about how it's not what you know but who you know. Well, there is a lot of truth to that. You get a lot of interviews because of connections you have that alert you that a position is open and/or gets an interview for you (yep, the blind date.) So networking is very valuable if you want to get an interview with your ideal company. But what if you don't know someone who can hook you up?

Don't panic. There are always companies looking to interview acceptable candidates. Many companies post open positions online or in the classifieds with contact information. This is exactly what it sounds like, online dating sites and personals in the newspaper. However, many companies try to get applicants before going to these methods. So how do you know a company has an opening?

Inquire Within

Many companies will start by putting up a sign in the front window requesting applicants just stop by and ask for an interview. This translates into a lady getting dressed up and going to a social event. While not fool-proof, this is a pretty clear sign that she's taking applications. Another rare situation is when a business isn't really looking for applicants, but is willing to make an exception if the applicant is qualified. You'll never know if this is the situation without the confidence to ask for an interview and convey that your are adequately "qualified" for the position. To summarize, you need to be looking for and correctly reading those enigmatic "signs" that ladies (and guys too) put out.

We'll keep it short today and next time we'll talk about how you prepare once you've set up that big interview.

Tip of the Day: Confidence is attractive (avoid confidence' cousin arrogance though, he's ugly) and you'll never know how things might have been if you never had the confidence to try.

Avoiding The Hostile Takeover

2007-10-02T14:59:00.000-07:00

When attempting to acquire a publicly-traded company, there are two main methods. First, the buyer can contact the company, make an offer, and if the company believes the offer is in the best interest of the shareholders a transaction will follow. This is the most common method. However, sometimes a buyer will simply begin purchasing the company's stock in an effort to gain a controlling share and thus gain control of the company without the express approval of the company being purchased.

What does this have to do with relationships?

In a relationship context, a hostile takeover is launched when a suitor begins purchasing "stock" in the company. "Stock" can be thought of as the assets of the company (remember that you are the company) such as time, attention, etc. Most of the time a suitor will attempt to purchase stock by simply hanging out, engaging in conversation, or asking for a date. These actions require approval of both parties.

However, in a hostile takeover the suitor attempts to purchase stock without express approval. This is what some would consider the guy/gal who is always hanging around, asking you on dates, won't let anyone get a word in edgewise though you've tried to "send the message" you're not interested. They may even get the message but believe that as long as they can discourage other suitors they may wear you down. Never a pretty picture, so how can this be avoided?

Avoiding the Hostile Takeover

First, evaluate your assets. Personally, I find that my time, thoughts, and money are the most easily measured assets I have in a relationship context. I'm kinda selfish with these assets most of the time, so my level of interest in a young lady is usually pretty easily indicated by how readily I give them to her.

Second, you have to always know how assets are being used. A hostile takeover begins when the buyer begins to occupy time, thought, and/or money without consent. Once you see your assets being appropriated you need to move to the next step.

Third, take back your assets. At first the hostile takeover isn't a big deal. You think that they'll "get the message". Just like any relationship issue it involves plain, direct communication. Be considerate, but make it as obvious as a nuclear explosion you're just not interested.

Conclusion

Nobody should have to suffer a hostile takeover. Yes a guy may have to be persistent in the beginning of some relationships, but it won't work in the long run if the lady doesn't grant her approval of the deal.

*Signs a takeover may be in progress already

You consciously avoid the person.
You are annoyed by their presence.
Every distant relative you had has "died" to provide you an excuse to turn down an invitation from this individual.

Firing your CEO

2007-09-19T10:19:00.001-07:00

Search "CEO fired" in Google and you'll see companies like Boeing, Gucci, Radio Shack, and Audi firing their CEOs for the following reasons: an affair with a coworker, disloyalty, lying on a resume, and criticizing a business partner. So, if I consider myself Handsome Inc., who is the CEO? I submit that my girlfriend is the CEO.

CEO = Significant Other?

Now some of you may be wondering how I can say that I'm not the CEO myself. Without getting into corporate organization too deeply the CEO is chosen by the owner (that is the stockholders for large corporations, but for Handsome Inc. there is only one stockholder; ME). So I am the owner and I choose my CEO by entering into a committed relationship. But this isn't the point today. Today I'm talking about the dreaded process of firing the CEO, aka Breaking Up.

Why Break Up?

If you look again at the reasons that CEOs were fired from large corporations they seem exactly like the reasons to end a relationship.
#1. An affair. Pretty simple I think.
#2. Disloyalty. Relationships can't work without both parties being loyal in thought, word, and deed.
#3. Lying on a resume. Your resume is how you initially present yourself to your significant other to enter into a relationship. Lying at that stage will kill most relationships because it destroys trust.
#4. Criticizing a business partner. She bags on your friends and/or family and it's time to go Donald Trump on her and say "You're fired!"

Firing your CEO: Quick and Painful

Since the CEO held such a high position of authority and is privy to sensitive information, this process must be handled correctly to avoid a PR nightmare. The following steps are recommended for most situations:

1. You must be 100% committed to firing your CEO. Waffling will only cause hurt feelings.
2. Be painfully direct. This is like pulling off a Band-Aid. You know it will hurt so the quicker you do it, the quicker you can start healing. Keep sugarcoating to a minimum.
3. Move on. CEOs help companies grow and improve. Go and find the CEO who will make you better.

*Cautionary Notes*

Former CEOs can be powerful allies or powerful enemies. A proper firing usually can avoid making an enemy, but even the best executed firing may not get you an ally. Remember that "hell hath no fury as a woman scorned."

Avoid listing a myriad of reasons for breaking up. If she accepted the job as CEO she should trust you when you say "I'm just not feeling it." Yes that's hard to hear because you want to know why, but I've seen both ways.

Firing a CEO will not be pleasant. Just accept it.

Technology & Dating: Unwritten Rules

2007-06-21T11:20:00.000-07:00

Technology is permeating our lives. Everyone seems to have a cell phone, MP3 player, and computer. With so much technology, I guess it should come as no surprise that technology and dating have now become intertwined.

Dating Sites

Dating websites are everywhere. Big internet dating sites like True.com
eHarmony, or Match.com make it seem like millions of people are trying to find their true love through the internet. I may be a little old-fashioned, but technology is only a tool to HELP you get a date. Here are some rules I have observed.

Social Networks

Sites like Facebook and Myspace are the most obvious ways to use a little technology in your social life. Using these sites lets you keep in touch with friends and acquaintances at your convenience. However, the key is moderation.

Text Messaging, Instant Messaging, and "Facebooking"

From experience I have noticed that all technology is not created equal in the dating world. Whether asking a girl on a date, just trying to get to know her better, or saying hi, you want to use the best method. Here is your roadmap for using technology in dating:

Face-to-face - Always your best bet for any social activity. Worried that your aren't attractive? Deal with it because she'll find out sooner or later.

Phone call - Provided you actually got her number legitimately this is a great way to go if you tend to get really nervous.

Text Message - Not as personal as a call, but good for quick info when she's at work or in class.

Instant Message - If she's online this can be nice since you see what you typed before you hit enter. If used wisely it will keep you from making a fool of yourself.

"Facebooking" - Be it the annoying "Poke" or a Message, this is good for a quick shout-out or flirting, but not for a date. Be a man and make the call.

Go and Date

Now you know the rules according to Handsome Rob, so give it a try. If you have something to add, leave a comment.

*Disclaimer: I don't know how a text message is different than a message on Facebook, but the ladies seem more accepting of a text message when asking for a date. Go figure.

The Stock Market: Part II-Timing

2007-05-17T15:32:00.000-07:00

Thank you to Anonymous out there who brought up the topic of timing in the social scene. I'll treat that item first.

Timing

Ever wished that you had invested in Microsoft in 1985? Everybody does, but let's not forget that there are actually people who DID! If those people hung on for a while they are undoubtedly very comfortable right now, but don't forget they took a big risk.

As the previous post mentions, you can consider yourself a stock and the opposite sex as an investor. The investor is trying to find a stock that will provide the maximum return on investment. Here's where the timing comes in. Some people just aren't ready for a serious relationship. Basically, they haven't even had an IPO. You can't even buy their stock no matter how much you like the company. Then there are those at their peak now, but certain indicators point to an imminent decrease in stock price (i.e. attractive guy that turns out to be a total @$$). However, sometimes the stock is available, the investor likes the stock, and a purchase is made. Sweet relationship nirvana.

Now, another point I would like to mention is how you can score big with the ladies even if you aren't "all that and a bag of potato chips." Let's consider a little example you might know: Google.

Google

Google began as a little search engine trying to make it in an industry that was very competitive. Big-name companies like Yahoo, AltaVista, and Lycos already had tons of customers that used their search engines. How did Google pull it off? Google stopped trying to be a portal (the site everyone goes through to get on the web) and focused on being JUST a search engine. By focusing on just searching they could deliver the best results. The rest is history.

How can you be like Google?

Easy. Focus on being yourself and do it better than anyone else. So what if you aren't the super-athlete or Mr. Gorgeous. Trying to be something you're not just dilutes the fact that you are the best you on the planet. If a relationship is going to work out it will be because he/she likes you for who you are, not who you're pretending to be. Take it for what it's worth, but please leave me and the readers some feedback. This blog may not have thousands of readers but hundreds have stopped by so far.

The Stock Market: Part I

2007-04-04T15:17:00.000-07:00

One of the most interesting phenomenons in the business world is the stock market. Millions of shares change hands every day and billions of dollars are made and lost for sometimes dubious reasons. Does this sound like anything you know?

The Stock Market = The Social Scene

I have yet to find anything in the usually sane and logical business world that mirrors the social scene quite like the stock market. Just imagine that you are a stock. You have a valuation, a price on the open market, a history, and are constantly changing just like any company. So let's work through a little example for illustrative purposes.

Handsome Inc. (ticker symbol STUD)

This company is very attractive to investors, aka "the ladies". Analysts (friends and family who have an in-depth knowledge of the company) describe the company as tall, dark, and handsome. Deeper analysis also shows this company to be on very solid financial footing. Cash flow is positive and assets are growing faster than debts due mainly to the fact that the company has graduated and is working full-time in the marketing field. The company has been on the market for some time, and despite a couple of potential purchasers, interest in the company has been low.

So you see, the language of the stock market can accurately describe the social position of an individual. In our next post we'll look at a hypothetical scenario between a company and a potential investor.

Leave a comment and I'll address it in the next post.

The Dating Game: It's About Control

2007-02-22T19:33:00.000-08:00

Tell me if this sounds familiar. Girl says, "He was afraid of commitment" in response to the failure of her last relationship. While there is some truth in this comment (and this is from the guy's perspective) I believe that this "Fear of Commitment" is a symptom of a larger issue; the desire for control in the relationship.

Control

What do men want? Food and shelter rate pretty high, but control is pretty dang close. Men want to be in control of their life. They want to be the master of their own destiny. This is why dating and relationships cause men to develop this "Fear of Commitment".

Fear of Commitment

Here's the scenario: Guy asks girl on 1st date. Things go well so guy asks girl on 2nd date. Things seem okay again, so guy asks girl on 3rd date. Of course this is highly simplified, but the guy here is sending a clear message; he is interested. Now comes the frustrating phase where the girl is sending "signs" and our poor fella here is trying to figure out what they are and what they mean. The frustration arises from the loss of control. He has conveyed his interest by continuing to ask the girl out (if you girls can't figure that out you're more helpless than guys) and therefore has given control to the girl. She now must decide if she is interested in the guy enough to commit or just keep holding out to see if her feelings change or something better comes along.

Now most girls reading this are probably saying they wish it were so easy. They're right. It isn't that easy and here is my main hypothesis: Fear of commitment is a tactic to maintain control in the relationship. In the situation above the guy lost control and therefore was at the mercy of the girl. As long as she keeps saying yes to dates and doesn't send signals that she wants to be exclusive, the guy is stuck. If he keeps dating other girls he's perceived as a player and his interest in the first girl is discounted. If he actually keeps his actions congruent with his intentions he has no control. So if a guy shows commitment first in a relationship he will end up looking like a player or he'll lose control. Faced with these choices is it any surprise that guys develop a fear of commitment?

Compromise

Given that guys are responsible to show initiative, guys are in control by default. Therefore, if a guy doesn't do anything to give up control he is in the driver's seat. That means that the ladies are kinda stuck. They have to communicate their interest while they are uncertain of his position and we're in the same situation as before; frustration.

Now I suppose you're hoping I have a solution for you all. A way to win the dating game without the frustration. Well, as a single guy, I obviously don't have the answer. I've been on both sides of the situation and I don't like either side. The best results I've encountered came when direct VERBAL communication was used early on. But of course those were all rejections. So I guess I'm not much help. I've turned comments on again because I want to hear what you have to say.

The Cost of Dating

2007-01-20T15:28:00.000-08:00

Okay, I have recently been thinking about how much money I have been spending on dating over the years. I mean, I've gone on so many dates that it has to add up to a ton of money. Lucky for me, I have taken accounting and still have possession of an HP 10B calculator. So, let's make some assumptions:

Average Dinner Cost = $20
Average Activity Cost = $20

That makes $40 a date, and I'm even leaving out little costs like gas for the car, and the fact that I go on "economical" dates rather than lavish ones. Now let's say that over time I've averaged one date per month every year since I was 18.

That's $2,880!

But wait, don't forget that I could have kept it in the bank or invested the money. Say I got 5% average interest per year.

Now it's up to $3,350.57!

Dang. All of that money and no honey to show for it.

Risk and Compensation Part II

2006-10-11T21:57:00.000-07:00

Ok you love-starved junkies out there. It's time to talk about how we can apply drugs to our lives (no this does not mean I'm going to tell you how to use drugs, don't even ask).

The Product of Dating

We're all drug dealers. It's true, don't hide it. But let's look at it this way, we're all the drug operation. For simplicity's sake, I'm going to describe this from the guys point of view, but we all know that the same thing could be said for women. We want our product to be sold to the masses. What is the product? you. If you're way cool, most likely if you're reading this blog, you probably have a lot of footsoldiers, i.e. women, competing for positions within your operation, meaning they want to date you and eventually reach the single position at the top. If you haven't got people forming a line wherever you go, trying to get your attention so that they can date you, then read on. If you do.......shutup and start your own blog.

Dating Compensation

How are you compensating those that date you? We all know that women won't go on a second or third date with you if they hated every minute of the first date. If the date is the same, the compensation for the time they invest is simply not enough. Make your compensations good. Some women will like a 5'9'', 145lb, bespecticaled gentlemen who can recite any episode of The Simpson's by heart (and if you know any, tell me). But, as hard as it seems, there are those women who want something more substantial in their relationship. Simply offering them a movie may not be enough. Think of creative dates that make them feel special. If the person you're interested thinks that the rewards for dating you are big enough, they will overlook the fact that you're spending your nights reading a blog instead of working it with them (which reflects great on me seeing as how I'm writing the blog).

Pull it All Together

Attractiveness is not the most important thing. It certainly is one form of compensation, but as the drug dealer example illustrates, even life-threatening hazards can be overlooked if the rewards are good enough. Some people only see physical attraction as the reward. I won't mince words, that's just sad. There are a ton of rewards out there. Having an intellectually stimulating conversation (way too overlooked in our society), having fun just joking around, eating good cooking (one of my favorites), watching the sunrise over the mountains (if you have any), heck even taking a nice walk on the beach (if you're near the ocean). These are all some forms of rewards. Is your company good enough that a person will want to be with you?

Let's face it, there is no perfect person. People have quirks, like someone calling themself Lusty. But if he offers good enough rewards, women will want to date him, or so I hope. If not, I suppose he could always form a massive drug operation.

Compensation and Risk part I

2006-09-22T19:37:00.000-07:00

Compensation. It's the reason that thousands of Mexicans flock to the US, despite dangerous terrain in the desert. It's the reason that drug dealers risk their life to bring cocaine to millions of crack-starved junkies. Heck, it's even the reason I mowed my parents lawn. But what you might not know, is that it is the whole reason people date.

Dating as a drug?

One of the 9 definitions for the word drug (as defined by dictionary.com) is this:
"drug (drg) n. A chemical substance, such as a narcotic or hallucinogen, that affects the central nervous system, causing changes in behavior and often addiction."
If we don't limit ourselves to drugs being a chemical substance, can dating be a drug? I submit that the answer is a resounding "H**L yes!" Does it affect behavior? Anyone who has ever had one of their friends become engaged can easily answer that question. Heck, the term "whipped" was developed just to describe the behavioral changes associated with dating. Is it addictive? What drug is more addictive than the touch of a female, honestly? Have you ever held hands with a girl you liked and then immediately never wanted to do it again? I didn't think so. If you're a girl, is the same true? It had better be. So let's remember that we are all drug dealers here, ok? Good.

Drugs in the '70s

Crack cocaine was huge in the US during the 1970s (as was loving...another relationship between drugs and dating? Nah, there really wasn't any 'dating' going on there...). A massive drug cartel was actually infiltrated and studied out in Michigan. The entire operation worked very much like a business. There were a huge amount of people on the bottom (the footsoldiers), another group that had served their time as footsoldiers and now oversaw the actions in certain areas of the city (the overseers), a select group of those overseers who intermediated between the overseers and the main cartel bosses (the intermediates), and finally the bosses. Much like a pyramid, the most amount of people were on the bottom, and the number decreased as you moved up the ranks. The bosses were the people earning millions of dollars, but the average footsoldier earned $3.33 per hour of pushing.

$3.33/hr? I earn more at Wal-mart!

Well, let me be the first to congratulate you on that. However, do you have the chance of catching your bosses eye and perhaps earning anywhere from $100,000 to more than $1,000,000 a year at your precious Wal-mart? I didn't think so. But you also don't risk your life everyday at Wal-mart (unless you're a janitor cleaning the restrooms. I just have a feeling that that job is contributing to the rise in cancer here in the US). Sure, I suppose that it's possible that someday, somewhere, a checker will be run over by a load of carts being brought in from the parking lot, and that an entire gang war will be fought inside Wal-mart with checkers shooting people in the eyes with their radar guns, the electronics department throwing TVs, the pharmacy giving everyone the wrong prescription, and the poor fabric department hitting people with ream after ream of cloth. Eventually a movie will be made about this war with the pictures taken by the photo department. But what are the chances of that happening really?
Now, what are the chances of a similar war happening between drug dealers? A lot more likely. In reality, as a footsoldier in this gang, you had a one in four chance of dying. When a gang war is waged, the people that fight and die are not the bosses, or the intermediates. It's not even the overseers. The lonely footsoldier earning $3.33 per hour are the ones that will be killed in a gang war.

Why do people do it then?

It is all about the compensation and the prospects of better compensation in the future. A wise man once said that "if the prize is big enough, [people] will form a line down the block just hoping for a chance." Who wouldn't want to have a LOT of money? This desire is even stronger because most of the people who become footsoldiers are those that are uneducated, poor, and really have little future. So, a chance at earning millions without worrying about an education is very attractive. Ok...so by now I'm sure your waiting for me to talk about what this has to do with dating. Well, I'm not going to tell you now. Think about it and check back for part II of Compensation and Risk. But before you go off and check your email, only to find that, sadly, there isn't anything new since the last time you checked 10 minutes ago (if your anything like me that is), I'll give you a teaser. In dating, as in drug dealing, you need to make your rewards so attractive that women (if your a guy, I'm sure the same applies to men) will line up just to get a chance at it, even if it means risking their life.

Brand Name vs. Generic

2006-08-30T07:33:00.000-07:00

Imagine that you are at the grocery store, in the cereal aisle, trying to decide what delicious sugary treat will start your day for the next week. Of course you are confronted with the major brand name cereals like Froot Loops and Lucky Charms. However, you notice that Malt-O-Meal has eerily similar products (Tootie Fruities and Marshmallow Maties) that are significantly cheaper. What do you do?

Generic

I personally am a tight-wad (in the most positive sense of the word) so I always buy generic. To me the benefits are obvious; low cost. They say it is because of the simple plastic bag they come in and because they don't do as much marketing. Whatever they say, the fact is, they are cheaper

Brand Name

I won't say that I'm not trying to offend people who buy brand name cereal because my opinions offend often. But to those offended I reply, "Get over it!" Anyway, of course the brand name appeal comes from the (supposed) superior flavor, pretty packaging, and protected cereal that isn't so crushed and crumbled. You also know that you are NOT cheap and will spend the money to get "the real deal." I don't agree with it, but whatever floats your boat.

Dating: Brand Name vs. Generic

I fancy myself as the generic of the dating market. I feel like I'm just as good as any "brand name" out there, but at a much more attractive price. I don't wear designer clothes, but I dress well. I'm not the student body president, but I can talk to anyone. I'm not the most popular guy on the block, but my friends know I'm always there for them no matter what. Basically, I feel I'm a truly "nice guy". You know, the kind most women say they can't find any more (hello, am I invisible?)

Given that I am the generic, I somewhat understand the lack of attention. I know I don't have the fancy packaging or the cool commercials during Saturday morning cartoons. However, I figured that women were like me, more interested in value than image. Not so.

You see, to some people the boyfriend has to be brand name. It's one of the biggest "purchases" a lady will make and the one every other lady will see her with. Other girls may never know she wears Hanes instead of Victoria's Secret, but they'll definately see if she went for the "generic" boyfriend. Can I get an amen from the generic guys out there?

Conclusion

So you may have guessed that I have a slight bit of personal experience that has perhaps biased my opinion on this matter. Good work, you're right on. As a "generic" guy I am not interested in a "brand name" girlfriend (also read as high-maintenance). I want a "generic" girlfriend. Same great flavor, always there for me, and stays crunchy in milk. No fancy packaging or expensive advertising. Basically, all the important things, minus the superfluous things, and all for a better price.

Trial Closing and Defining The Relationship

2006-01-30T21:45:00.000-08:00

In my most recent sales management chapter we started to learn about trial closes and I couldn't help but think of the similarities between a sales presentation and dating. Let's do this.

Trial Closing

When in a sales presentation it is important to know how the client is feeling about the presentation. You can't finish the presentation, have them say no, and then go home with your head down. You never found out what part of the presentation they didn't like or what their concerns were. Here is where you need a trial close.

Trial closing comes after you have pointed out a key benefit that your product gives the client and/or they react in some positive fashion (body language is the key). At that point you do a mini close, or sale. You say something like, "Since this product is so beneficial to you, how many do you want to order?" If you are right, you make the sale here and only need to tie up loose ends. If you are wrong you can resolve a concern.

Defining the Relationship

Every relationship is to some extent a sales presentation. When I take a girl out I want to make a good impression by dressing appropriately, smiling, taking a genuine interest in her, complimenting her, and showing her the benefits that she will enjoy if she decides to "purchase" (further progress the relationship). So, with that connection made, how do I make the trial close.

First off, I have to be giving a presentation. This would be the equivalent of a date or whatever social interaction I might be having. Perhaps the presentation takes many dates to progress. It doesn't matter. The key is that I have to practice trial closing or I might get to a point where I have told her all my benefits and she just shuts me down. Ouch, that hurts.

However, let's say I have just had a super date. Everything went pretty much according to plan and I get signs (again, body language) that she likes the benefits. So now I have to practice a trial close. This can take many forms, but at the core of the conversation is the effort to "sell" the relationship. Here is one example, but it can take many forms. "You're the coolest girl I know and tonight was a lot of fun. I really like you and want to date you exclusively. How do you feel about that?"

Now I admit that the words at that moment will be pretty hard to utter, but muster all the confidence you can. Confidence is attractive and is another benefit. At this point you hit the home run and the relationship takes a step forward or you learn a concern to resolve. If the concern is too large to handle it might end the relationship, but if you feel that she is too valuable to lose then don't give up. Keep on going until you close the "sale". Good luck to you men and I want to hear what the ladies have to say, so comment away!

Supply & Demand Part 2

2005-12-20T15:40:00.000-08:00

My frustrations in the dating game continued for quite some time. Since I was limiting supply, I should have seen increased prices because of scarcity. It wasn't until I evaluated my assumptions that I saw the fatal flaw in my original model.

Assumptions

In my original model I had assumed that a demand curve already existed for the product (that would be me). However, with the failure of my model I saw that a demand curve is not inherent to every situation. Therefore, I had to build a demand curve for the product.

Building the Demand Curve

To accomplish this goal I decided that I needed to do a little marketing. For me, this involved increasing my social exposure. The ladies aren't going to demand a product they don't know about. So I started visiting the ladies, saying hi, always knowing their names, going to parties, and taking just about every opportunity to get noticed.

To Test or Not To Test?

This is the current phase of execution right now. I am still building demand for the product, but I am not sure if I should start decreasing supply or continuing to build demand. I guess I am afraid the model might still be flawed and I am not sure I want to have another failed model. So readers, sound off in the comments section and let me know what you think.

Supply & Demand Part 1

2005-12-01T16:07:00.000-08:00

The idea that business theories could apply to relationships first came to me in my introductory economics course in college. Since we spent so much time with supply and demand, I found many connections and began applying economics to my social life. This is my story.

Epiphany

Once I understood the interaction between supply and demand, my mind instantly went to work. Shifts in supply and/or demand would influence the price willing to be paid for a product. Using myself as the product and the ladies as the market, I saw that to increase the price (time, effort, desire, etc.) that the ladies were willing to pay for me, I had to increase demand (be more social, dress better, go on more dates, etc.) OR I could limit supply (less of me on the market).

Decisions, Decisions

I needed to choose the option that maximized my utility. A simple analysis led me to conclude that it was much easier to just limit the supply of me in the market. Once the ladies thought that I was a scarce product, the price would go up. Yeah, that's what I'm talking about.

In Theory vs. In Practice

Once I began to implement this strategy, I immediately began to see a decrease in the price of myself. The ladies were even less interested in putting forth an effort to get noticed by me or going out of their way to talk to me. What happened? My understanding of the theory was correct, but it wasn't working. This frustration continued for months until it hit me. I had missed something and that is the topic of Supply & Demand Part 2.

2005-11-17T11:01:00.000-08:00

Why scary movies work.

We all know that for the longest time guys have been taking girls to scary movies to 1)get a little closer to their date or even have her clutching you for protection or 2)looking very masculine while not being scared. These are good enough reasons for me and I admit that I have tried these out myself. However, consumer behavior theory gives us an even more powerful reason.

Zillmann's Theory of Emotion

Emotion consists of two forms of arousal, and don't think of arousal in a sexual way. Physical arousal is an actual physiological response such as increased heart rate, sweaty palms, etc. Think about how you felt the first time you kissed a member of the opposite sex, that is the physiological response I'm talking about. You basically feel like you are on cloud 9. The second form of arousal is perceived arousal. This is how aroused a person thinks they are. Now the really important point. A person's perceived arousal decreases much faster than the physiological response. This presents a window where the person is experiencing an actual physiological response but doesn't perceive it.

Capitalizing On Your Knowledge

So basically, taking a girl to a scary movie is using this window of opportunity. The movie gets her to experience a physiological response which she thinks goes away really quickly. However, you, as the guy, are there and she starts to think about you and then she again perceived her physiological arousal. This is now attributed to you, the guy, so she thinks that you make her feel that way (aka she's diggin' you). So thank Mr. Zillmann for your newly acquired knowledge and go out there and getcha some.

2005-10-19T17:10:00.000-07:00

Price as a Signal of Quality

Today in my marketing research class my professor made the comment, "In the absence of information, price is used as a measure of quality." He asked us if we would go to a doctor that charges $500 or a doctor that charges $25 if our insurance was paying the bill. Of course we all said that we would go to the doctor that charged more because we thought he was a better doctor. He gave other examples such as consultants or expert witnesses, but the idea was always the same.
Also of note is the idea that with price as a signal some products would actually have a higher demand if they had a higher price. This would be categorized as a Giffen good and they are theoretically impossible in economics. However, from the above cited examples, a strong case can be made that they do, in fact, exist in the real world. So how does this relate to relationships you may wonder?

Lack of Information

I think that I can speak for pretty much every man alive when I say that women are impossible to figure out. There isn't a better example of lack of information than women. Therefore, we have established that when a guy is looking for a special lady in his life, he has already met the first condition of lacking information.

"Price"

For our treatment of the topic, please do away with any monetary considerations similar to prostitution. The "price" attached to a woman is largely not monetary in nature. I identify three main "price tags" that constitute the bulk of a guys "cost".
1.)Time. This is the largest "cost" associated with the opposite sex.
2.)Money. Dating costs money, even to a cheapskate like me, just look at the price tags on engagement rings.
3.)Emotional Stress. You have to deal with the fact that all women think too much about things, and if you try to outsmart them, you're fooling yourself or going to go crazy.
Now, how do these prices signal quality? Let me give an example. You know a girl who is very popular with the guys. She is attractive, but not so much that so many guys would be interested. I know that I would want to take her out just to see what it was that every other guy found so attractive. Why? Because she has a higher price tag. With so many guys interested, it would require a Herculean effort to gain her attention and win her heart, yet many guys do just this. They see the high price and assume that there is something they don't know that adds to her quality. You want to find out the mysterious quality that makes her so attractive to other guys. The same could be said in this situation for emotional stress. How are you going to know if she acts any different towards you than she does towards other guys? Now all her signs have added meaning, yet they are also harder to decipher. Yet guys so often tackle these situations because they perceive a higher value because of the high cost. So what do you think? Let me know because I think every guy out there could use some help from experienced guys and the mysterious female.

2005-10-13T20:27:00.000-07:00

Jealousy

I'll just let all of you know that this is more of a personal rant than anything. So let me explain the scenario a little (it is all from the guy's perspective, or basically, my perspective).

You like a girl. You have conveyed this through your actions and her actions indicate that she understands that and in some small measure feels the same way. Of course I'm assuming that my reads are correct, but let's roll with it for now. Anyway, I can't be taking her on dates every night of every weekend because this is by no means an exclusive relationship. So of course she is going to be invited on another date (you can rest assured that I have good taste).

Girls enjoy it when a guy gets jealous over them. Why is that?

Now, please don't misinterpret that this lady is trying to make me jealous, but if she knew I was jealous she would like it. Anyway, so she is going on a date with another guy and I am amazingly bothered by this despite not being really worried. What is wrong with me? Why does this occur? I can't explain it, but it bugs the crap out of me. So please, help me out. Why do the ladies enjoy a jealous suitor? Why does it bug us guys so much?

Love & Business: A Student's Perspective

2005-10-05T16:09:00.000-07:00

Do business and relationships really have anything in common? Well, in a very real sense, no, they don't. However, from my observations of relationships (and some experience) I have noticed that many business theories and concepts, if taken completely out of context, are incredibly humorous when applied to love and relationships. So, in a nutshell, this blog is a humorous look at the relations between members of the opposite sex through business-tinted glasses. Here is a small example.

Dual Coincidence of Wants

For this example we go to the fields of economics. In economics we learn that in the absence of a medium of exchange (i.e. money) that a barter system usually exists. This means that if you raise chickens and you want some flour, you have to trade your chickens for flour. You could go directly to the wheat farmer and trade chickens for wheat, but if the farmer has his own chickens you are out of luck. However, the wheat farmer says he does like beef, so if you can get him some beef, he'll trade you for wheat.
So you go to the cattle farmer and offer chickens for beef. The only problem is that he doesn't even like chickens. However, he is interested in some vegetables, so you are off to the vegetable farmer.
The vegetable farmer DOES want some chickens! Hallelujah you say. So you take the veggies to the cattle farmer and he gives you a nice slab of beef from a cow he butchered that day. You take the beef to the wheat farmer and get your wheat and !Presto! you have your flour.
Now this sure is a pain. Why was that so hard? Because you didn't have a dual coincidence of wants.
A dual coincidence of wants is when you have what they want and they have what you want. In a barter system this is difficult indeed. So how does this relate to relationships?

The Punchline

You see, the whole process of relationships is a barter system. I have something to offer the ladies and I am looking for a lady who has what I want. However, it isn't going to work out if what I have isn't what she wants. Or maybe she really wants what I am offering, but I am not interested in what she has to offer.
In all these cases you have a failed relationship.
The only time it works is when you have what they want and you want what they have. Then you are able to trade (date, marry, you get the picture). Now why did I explain a situation where we had to go through the cattle farmer and the veggie farmer to get a trade to happen? Because a lot of times we have to fail at our trades (relationships) in order to obtain something we lacked that someone else wants. I guess you learn the lesson the hard way.

What We Learned

Well, now that you know how to trade, go out there and find yourself a dual coincidence of wants. Or, if you disagree, leave a comment because I'm pretty sure that as a single guy I have this whole thing figured out.